Professor Birdsong’s 365: Weird Criminal Law Stories for Everyday of the Year Excerpt

Since my baby brother is a lawyer, I HAD to share this book! He practices all sorts of law, including criminal law. I’ve heard some strange stories from him! Leonard Birdsong uses his years of experience to pull together a witty collection of strange tales of criminal law that will make anyone laugh (or at least scratch their heads in disbelief!). While this would make the perfect gift for the lawyer in your life, it’s also a fun read for the rest of us!


ProfessoProfessor Birdsong’s 365: Weird Criminal Law Stories for Everyday of the Year Excerptr Birdsong’s Weird 365: Weird Criminal Law Stories for Every day of the Year

This time the professor uses his expertise and experience in criminal law to bring forth his “365,” weird criminal law stories for each day of the year. This is his funniest volume of criminal law stories mostly from around the States to date. This book covers more than a lot of silly and unlawful conduct one could imagine. Full of his witty “Birdsong” commentary and observations the book is sure to deliver some great laughs. There’s a story about the 54-year-old man who attempts to perform an exorcism on his 80-year-old girlfriend to get the devil out of her; a story about a Czech man who uses a chain saw to slice his way back into a restaurant after closing time; a story of an alleged child pornographer caught downloading child porn on his phone while being question at police headquarters; a story about a Tennessee man who had a stroke who thought he was dying confessed to a 1977 murder – he didn’t die and now is facing a murder charge; a “drunken dummy” or two; and a wide variety of just plain, stupid criminals that make this anthology worth reading.

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Weird Criminal Law Story Excerpt

Enjoy this fun sample of some of the weird stories you’ll find in this fun book!!



FLORIDA: How does one handcuff a one armed man? A recent attempted robbery of a Fairwinds Credit Union in Orlando was largely routine. That is, until the suspect’s arm popped off.  Matthew Meguiar, 26, had entered the credit union moments earlier and handed the teller a note and a bag. The note read: “This is a robbery, bills in bag.”  The teller filled the bag and tried to pass it through the slot back to Meguiar.  The bag was too big and would not fit through the slot.  Meguiar turned and walked away without the cash. As he was walking out of the bank he was stopped by an Orange County Sheriff’s deputy. There was brief struggle and to the deputy’s surprise Meguiar’s arm came off.  After handcuffing Meguiar as best they could the deputies placed the prosthetic arm on the roof of the patrol car while they questioned witnesses. Meguiar was eventually taken to the Orange County jail.



WASHINGTON STATE: Talk about “out of the frying pan and into the fire!”  Earlier this year DNA testing freed a Washington state man, Alan Northrop, after he had served 17 years in prison for a rape he did not commit. That was the good news. The bad news is: as soon as he was released he was served with a $110,000 bill for 17 years of back child support.  There is more.  It appears unlikely Northrop will be able to win a wrongful imprisonment lawsuit because in Washington State one must prove intentional law enforcement misconduct to prove liability!



TEXAS: Could this have been cruel and unusual punishment? A Texas woman has filed a lawsuit in federal court. She is suing police for making her listen to Rush Limbaugh.  Bridgett Nickerson was arrested in Harris County for driving on the shoulder of a highway in October 2010. While the sheriff’s deputy drove her to jail, the car radio was broadcasting a Limbaugh show in which Limbaugh allegedly made a “derogatory comments about black people,” according to her filed court complaint.  Nickerson alleges that she is an African American.


FLORIDA: The headline could have read: “Loko Gone Loco.” As many of you know, “Four Loko” is a caffeinated alcoholic drink.  Recently, a New Port Richey man drank four bottles and then went on a naked rampage.  Police report that Justin Baker, 21, ran barefooted out of the back of his home to a house a few blocks away, smashed a sliding glass door and ransacked the home.  He next took off his clothes, defecated on the floor and ripped the oven door off its hinges, according to Pasco County deputies.  At another house a woman arrived home to find a naked man smeared with blood, sleeping on her couch.  She called 911.  According to the St. Petersburg Times when deputies arrived, Baker said: “Why am I being arrested?  I didn’t steal anything.”  He was charged with two counts of burglary.


GERMANY: Mistaken identity? Female partygoers at a bash in Simmern, Germany erupted in cheers when men dressed as police showed up at their door.  Problem was, they were real cops, acting on a neighbor’s noise complaint – and not the male strippers thought to be coming to the 30th birthday party. “It was a bit funny for all sides,” said a spokesman for the Simmern police.


NEW YORK: Don’t shoot your mouth off in jail! Brian Orkiszewski, 49, from Long Island lost his house to his ex-wife in divorce proceedings and was arrested for plotting to kill the judge who gave the house away. Seems Orkiszewski, already in jail for failing to pay more than $30,000 in child support, was arrested after telling fellow inmates he was shopping for a gun for the planned hit. Orkiszewski told inmates he was furious that the house he had shared with his wife and three children had been awarded to his former spouse.  Orkiszewski pleaded not guilty to conspiracy and criminal facilitation charges.  His defense his attorney said Orkiszewski was, “frustrated, angry, and depressed.”  The judge in the original divorce proceedings was given court ordered protection.


MINNESOTA: Cinema Verite? Spencer Taylor, an overzealous “Joker” fan, who resided in Three Rivers, was arrested after attempting to steal movie posters. Spencer was charged with felony larceny and malicious destruction of property after trying to rip off memorabilia of the Batman movie The Dark Knight, at a local theater.  Taylor was dressed in a full costume and makeup resembling the “Joker” a character from the film.


NEVADA:  Chutzpah! A Nevada Board of Education member was chastised during a public meeting for dangling a piece of jewelry in front of his giggling wife, who was sitting next to him. “I will entertain my wife.  I love my wife,” said board member Greg Nance.  When a deputy attorney general urged Nance to behave properly, Nance replied that there was no law against a wife sitting next to him at meetings.  “Therefore, bite me!” Nance told the official.


INDIANA: Police officer gets off one the wrong foot.  Tim Pochron had been on the job for only 29 minutes during his first day on the police force when he wrecked his police car.  In his defense, the other driver who crashed into him tested positive for drugs was arrested.


NEVADA: Dummy! A man trying to shake down $500 from a Pizza Hut in Nevada outed himself by sending cell phone photos of the restaurant sign he stole that showed his license plate in the background.  Of course, using the license number, police were able to track down the 23-year-old man and arrest him.

birdsong-colorAbout the author:

Professor Birdsong received his J.D. from the Harvard Law School and his B.A. from Howard University. He teaches law in Orlando, Florida. After graduation from law school he worked four years at the law firm of Baker Hostetler. He then entered into a varied and distinguished career in government service. He served as a diplomat with the U.S. State Department with various postings in Nigeria, Germany and the Bahamas. Professor Birdsong later served as a federal prosecutor. After leaving government service, and before he began teaching, Professor Birdsong was in private law practice in Washington, D.C.

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Professor Birdsong’s 365: Weird Criminal Law Stories for Everyday of the Year