This post is sponsored by JIMMY Patterson Books. All opinions are my own.
No one wants to raise a bully. At least I like to hope that’s the case! I can’t imagine a mom looking down into her sweet newborn’s face and softly murmuring “I hope you make life miserable for your classmates in middle school.” I think it’s safe to say that the majority of us strive to raise kind, caring and compassionate children who grow up to become equally compassionate members of society.
Yet despite all of our best intentions, bullying is still the bane of our children’s existence, especially during middle school. I know this because my son just spent his first year of middle school in abject misery. Without getting into too many personal details (I’m very mindful of his privacy now that he’s a tween), let’s just say that I find it hard to believe that any parent would want their child to say the things that were said to my son.
I’ve thought long and hard about things we can all do to help avoid raising bullies. Here are a few easy yet powerful things I came up with that we can all do right now. Check them out, then keep reading to learn more about Pottymouth and Stoopid by James Patterson and Chris Grabenstein, plus enter for a chance to win a copy of the book and a $50 Visa gift card!
How to avoid raising a bully
Model good behavior. For real.
Yes, I know, we’ve all heard this one many, many times. If you want to raise kind kids, you need to show them how to be kind at home. I think we all really try hard to be compassionate and empathetic people when our kids are watching. The problem is, kids are ALWAYS watching, especially when they reach the tween age. Jake is a ninja. He can sneak up on me out of the blue. Sometimes, I have no idea how long he’s been hovering and listening to me rant on the phone to my friend about someone else. Other times, he’s heard my mom completely lose her cool and berate people on the TV when she disagrees with them.
Both of these things send a message to our kids that it’s okay to be cruel as long as the other person can’t hear you. We all need to work on this a lot, no one is immune to venting. Just try to remember that if your kids are home, there is a very good chance that they can see and hear you. I’m sure my son isn’t the only one with ninja-like skills!
Encourage kids to reverse the conversation
Too often, our kids just don’t think they said or did anything wrong. I’ve chided Jake for things he’s said either to us or to a classmate, only to have him look at me like I have two heads. He just didn’t think what he said was that big of a deal. Next time that happens, reverse the conversation. Play the role of your tween while he plays the other party. Ask him how he feels being on the receiving end of his words. I mean really ask him and talk about it, don’t snap out, “See! How did that feel, huh?” This isn’t meant to be a mean-spirited lesson, it’s meant to instill a deeper sense of empathy towards others.
Teach them to be funny without being mean
This goes along with reversing the conversation, except it’s kind of a preemptive strike rather than an after-the-fact thing. Tween boys in particular seem to want to be the class clown. They want everyone to think they’re hilarious. Unfortunately, sometimes they’re funny at someone else’s expense and cross the line into just plain mean. One way to help our kids learn to be funny without being cruel is by encouraging them to “say it to yourself, first.” Before they crack that joke, have them play it out in their heads and imagine how they would feel if someone said it to or about them.
Another way to teach them to be funny without being mean is by giving them some basic rules to follow. Jokes should NEVER involve someone else’s race, religion, appearance or abilities/disabilities. In fact, it’s best to avoid punchlines that involve other people at all. Find some books or websites with examples of humor that doesn’t hurt others for your kids to use as inspiration. Pottymouth and Stoopid, for example, is filled with appropriate humor that kids will love and can draw inspiration from!
Help them learn to “check their emotions”
I don’t mean “check them at the door” or anything like that, I mean literally check their emotions to see if they’re feeling the way they think they are. Just like adults, kids lose their cool when they’re hungry, tired or just plain stressed out. Help them develop a strategy to really evaluate their emotions before they blow up on someone. This is kind of like the whole “count to ten” thing, but they need to take it a step beyond that. I mean, I’ve counted to ten plenty of times and still been upset. I’ve counted to 50 and still been ready to blow! Instead of just pausing to count, they should take those seconds to ask themselves if they are really mad at the other person or are just frustrated by something else.
Jake had an incredibly rough year last year, and not just because of bullying. We lost my aunt to brain cancer right before Christmas last year, and Jake was very close to her. He barely had time to process that when his dog died in February from heart failure. We also lost our two 15-year-old dogs last year, but Cooper was Jake’s dog through and through. Dealing with that much loss in such a short time has been incredibly hard on me, so imagine being an 11-year-old boy and trying to process it. His grief sometimes comes out in bursts of anger, and occasionally that anger is directed towards others who don’t deserve it.
Help them walk in others’ shoes through literature
Books are such magical and wonderful tools in the fight against bullying for so many reasons. Not only do they offer an escape for kids who just need a break from the real world, but they give all kids a chance to walk in others’ shoes. From books about diversity and adversity to stories about kids overcoming bullying, middle-grade fiction is ripe with opportunities to really dive into all sorts of situations and realities and see how others feel.
Pottymouth and Stoopid by James Patterson and Chris Grabenstein is a fantastic example of a book like this. In the story, David and Michael, two best friends, are stuck with nicknames that they got way back in preschool. Now that they’re in seventh grade and even the teachers believe the labels, they set off on a mission to change everyone’s mind. How? They turn their misery into megastardom! The story follows the boys’ journey as they transform from the “ultimate losers” into the biggest winners. Beyond the laughs and the cool illustrations, Pottymouth and Stoopid also shows kids that things CAN actually get better.
As a reader, I’ve been a fan of some of Patterson’s grown-up works for a while (mostly his Women’s Murder Club series). As a parent and a passionate supporter of literacy, I’m an even bigger fan. His JIMMY children’s book imprint is filled to the brim with books that address the issues facing our middle-graders and written in a style FOR our middle-graders. Even the most profound story about bullying is pointless if our kids can’t get through it, after all. Did you know that Patterson also puts all the proceeds from his JIMMY imprint back into pro-reading initiatives? That is insanely awesome.
Pottymouth and Stoopid is now available in your favorite bookstore. Visit the Official Site for more information. Follow JIMMY Patterson Books on Twitter, Facebook and Instagram to keep up with news, and use the hashtag #PottymouthandStoopid to follow along with the conversation.
Like I said, no parent WANTS to raise a bully. I also think that the majority of our kids don’t really want to be bullies, either. Sometimes, though, despite everyone’s best intentions, it still happens. Our perfect little darlings fall on the giving end of nastiness. Either they’re faced with a situation that they don’t know how to handle a better way or they develop a reputation that they don’t know how to get rid of. It’s up to us to give them the tools they need to choose better.
Pottymouth and Stoopid Book & $50 Visa Gift Card Giveaway
Giveaway has ended! Congrats to Rose D! Thank you to everyone who entered! Be sure to come back for more great giveaways soon!
What are some of the things you do to make sure you’re not raising a bully? Share below!
following on G+ as Lisa Brown
I teach them by example and let them know that they hurt someone and to say they are sorry!
When my son was growing up, we taught him the importance in volunteering as a way to give back and help others. (I’m following you on G+ as Betsy Barnes)
I have always taught them to be kind and treat 0thers as they would want to be treated and also lead by example.
good stuff
I teach them to treat others the same way they want to be treated
To help my grandsons learn to be more compassionate towards others, I use different opportunities of situations that arise and teach them about how to handle that and give them tips on how to treat others.
I teach the kids to treat others the way they would like to be treated and we learn to share and help others.
I teach my daughter that kindness comes from the heart!
Being a good example helps, also church has emphasized this.
Be kind to everyone!
I talk about it often and how others feel and they also are taught at church twice a week of the importance,
We just practice constant manners. and to be kind.
Always ask something like, “I wonder how he feels?” “How would you feel in that situation?” Asking things that encourage them to put themselves in another’s shoes.
I deal with bullying with my grandchildren by talking with them about specific situations. I have 2 grandsons that are going into 7th grade. One tends to get bullied and the other tends to bully from time to time. Some of the conversations have been very interesting. We discuss from both points of view. We also have three police officers in the family and they talk about what happens when bullies don’t learn to control those behavioral traits.
I show them how others do the same and hope they follow.
Lead by example and also talk to them.
This is such a good idea. We don’t have kids right now, but I work with some through work. I try to be a good role model, and I also try to get them to find things they like about themselves so that they don’t feel the need to tear others down.
Have them treat other like they want to be treated. Be kind to people.
We teach kids to be kind to people, they same way they’d expect to be treated.
I adore James Patterson! This would be a great addition to our collection! I think being an example is first in not raising a bully. Also, don’t be blind to children’s behavior. Don’t make excuses. I think observing a child in more than one setting gives major clues for their behavior.
I think it starts with providing children with a good self esteem so they don’t feel the need to tear others done. Love this idea! Keep fighting the good fight.
You have to teach by example. They will follow along.
I try to teach my kids by example. I try to help others who need it to show that we care about others and help if we can.
We try to teach by our example, our words and our actions.
I agree with everyone..you do teach by example and stress and show your children that everyone is special in their own way
My kids were bullied but they didn’t bully because it hurts
I give them examples of how it feels to be bullied or excluded. Most all children are, so when faced with their own actions, they remember how THEY felt when they were excluded. My oldest granddaughter is usually bullied because she stands up for someone being bullied. Once they see that their actions aren’t bothering her, they leave her be. It’s tough being a child these days. Some are so cruel.
We teach her to treat others as she wants to be treated and to let an adult know if someone is being mean to/bullying her or anyone else. She has been known to stand up to kids that are being mean to others.
My husband and I have raised a thoughful child who cares about others. we did this through self esteem and love!
We have a high level of confidence reporting Whirlpool Fridge Service Center Hyderabad in real time conditioners in homes, particularly along with those summer months. Indeed, even a little tangle can bring about disturbance in our day by day schedule. Max offers accessible at any time problem arises, at whatever time, anyplace adjusting and repairs of Washing Machines and Refrigerators in and around Hyderabad. We are well-known for quality service, fast reaction time and give the logistics and the work force required to take care of Customer issues on a need premise inside of 24 hrs. Being just a call away from you we would love to hear from you and assure you of our full support in resolving all machine related problems contact details. 04060506611.
We have a high level of confidence reporting Voltas Ac Service Center Hyderabad in real time conditioners in homes, particularly along with those summer months. Indeed, even a little tangle can bring about disturbance in our day by day schedule. Max offers accessible at any time problem arises, at whatever time, anyplace adjusting and repairs of Washing Machines and Refrigerators in and around Hyderabad. We are well-known for quality service, fast reaction time and give the logistics and the work force required to take care of Customer issues on a need premise inside of 24 hrs. Being just a call away from you we would love to hear from you and assure you of our full support in resolving all machine related problems contact details. 04060506611.
My husband and I teach by example, we are never mean or disrespectful to others.
I model good behavior. For example, I took my kids to visit a friend in a nursing home several times. They would push her around in her wheel chair and help her with tasks.
I’ve always just tried to be a good example and treat people the way I want to be treated. I think setting an example is the best teacher.
I teach my kids by my example
I teach about the past about cruel times in history like slavery and the holocaust several different genocides
I teach kids by examples and life experiences
I teach them to treat others like they would want to be treated.
I always ask them how they would feel if someone was making fun of them.
I make sure they are taught not to bully or make fun of others…And that it doesn’t feel good to be made fun of.
I constantly remind my kids how very lucky they are to have the things that they do have. I encourage them to help others as often as possible.
We teach by being an example and teaching them to be kind to people, they same way they’d expect to be treated.
I teach them to be themselves and treat people the way they want to be treated, to be kind to others.
I lead by example & talk to them about certain situations that might come up, where they need to be sincere and compassionate about another person. I ask them how they would feel if that was happening to them.
I talk to my kids about certain things I’ve experienced in life where someone else showed me some compassion. They ask questions and I answer them as honestly as possible.
I try to let them know how bad they would feel if the shoe was on the other foot and they were being hurt.
I started when they were very little — always reminding them to be polite and treat everyone with respect. Encourge them to go out of their way to friend the underdog.
Ugh….NOW I find your blog post AFTER I commented that I sis not see a blog as I entered under my friends link and when it comes up that way there is no blog.
I taught her when she was young to treat others the way she wants to be treated and nothing less. She is pretty good at it too with being an only child she is very well behaved.
I started teaching them when they were just toddlers to be kind, sharing toys was one of their biggest ways to show compassion especially in preschool. Plus they watch us constantly so if we show kindness, compassion and empathy to strangers as well as family and friends, they learn too.
We teach them to share with other kids.
We talk to them about feelings and how to use their voice. We communicate and encourage they do the same.
Because i want others to treat my children the same. Respect must go around full circle!
I teach them to respect others and to treat people as they would like to be treated.
I tell them ways I have been hurt and I make sure to point when they have hurt me and possibly others, we practice manners and consideration through example.
I ask them to think about what they have said, and how they would feel if someone said the same thing to them. We also do volunteer work.
We work hard to teach respect in all areas of their life.
We volunteer in the community to help those not as blessed as we , there schools also have mandatory community service both these teach and breed compassion
I teach them to treat others the same way they want to be treated
Would like to win this for my grandson.
We pray about finding ways to help other people.
Dianna
By teaching them about their own faults and letting them know everyone feels that way and we should treat everyone with a positive attitude and make them feel good about themselves.
Kids need to be taught early not to bully. We need to take it serious if some one tells you your own child is a bully. We need to reach kindness and acceptance of each other.
What do you do to help your kids be more compassionate towards others?
By reading books similar to this starting at a young age and teaching empathy. To teach them to seek out those who are ‘different’ because differences are how you learn.
I tell my kids treat people the way you want to be treated
I talk to them about compassion and hurting people’s feelings.
I tell them to treat others the way that they want to be treated
We volunteer for the homeless!! We see the love, the tears… and it melts our hearts!
We help our grandson to understand that we’re all individuals with feelings, so treat everyone with kindness and understanding, the way that we’d like to be treated ourselves.
I’ve taught my kids to be kind to others and also to have compassion by talking to them about how to treat others and we also participate in community charities in our town,food banks,tools for school,and our annual beach clean up,which is just a few.
We talk about how other people feel and try to be kind. We also volunteer and donate items to help others.
To help our kids be more compassionate towards others we had lots of discussion about helping others and especailly others who are less fortunate,come from broken homes and people with disabilities.We taught them to feel compassion for them and to try to understand what they are going through and to treat them fairly and with due respect.
worth it … this is a problem
If my 4 year old granddaughter says something hurtful to me or others, I try to explain to her immediately how it makes people feel. I try to ask her how she would feel if it happened to her.
I teach my son to treat people like he wants to be treated.
I don’t have kids, but I think it’s important to teach kids by leading by example.
Teach by example
My kids are all grown now, but I always taught them to treat others the way you want to be treated.
I think the best way you can teach your children compassion is to let them see you showing compassion to others.
I teach her about caring and how things, like words, can hurt other people.
My husband is a terrible bully and he has inadvertently taught our kids not to behave like that.
Due to a special needs child, they are pretty exceptional when it comes to compassion.
No kids. I follow Thumper’s mother’s advice: If you can’t say somethin’ nice, don’t say nothin’ at all. Thanks for the contest.
slehan at juno dot com
subscribe email: slehan at myway dot com
I do acts of kindness projects with my nieces and nephews in which we come up with kind acts together and then decide who to bless and which acts to do on a monthly basis.
Always remind them to treat others as they want to be treated
I lead by example.
I try to teach them to put themselves in other people’s shoes.
Today my son wanted to share his nuggets with the lady at the register and I told him that it was okay to ask her.
I treat my son how I want him to treat others. I show him compassion – it turn, he shows others compassion.
I really try to lead by example and by discussing the ‘whys’ of how something makes others feel when something happens. However, I have learned just by watching various family members, that some people really do have more inborn empathy for the feelings of others, and it is sometimes hard to get through to them.
I lead by example and try to avoid hurting people’s feelings. I’ve taught them that the main goal in our life, always, is to be kind whenever possible.
I lead by example! 🙂
Name: edye
TO LEAD BY EXAMPLE AND BE KIND.
I have always lead by example.
I teach by example.
i tell them to treat everybody the way you would want to be treated
I help my kids be more compassionate towards others by trying to be a good example.
We talk about feelings and putting ourselves into another’s situation and how would we feel. Just because it’s not something that you can see doesn’t mean that it’s not there!
I try to teach the kids by letting them learn the Golden Rule. It always helped me and I try to spread the word of it.
I try to be an example of the kind person I would like them to be.
I try to teach by example and by talking with the children.
Great post